In My Mind

Yesterday, I made a bold move. After watching a movie with a friend, I was riding the elevator up to the podium of my apartment. When the elevator opened, I literally bumped into a female clubhouse worker, the one I had a crush on for about half a year. Her co-workers just stared at us for a couple of seconds. I just stood there too, not knowing what to say to her cool facial expression. Then she went into the elevator by herself and the door started to close. Before it could close all the way though, I stuck my forearm into the gap and the elevator jammed open. I couldn't believe I did that, but I used the momentum to walk inside and to close the door. Now it was her turn to drop her jaw. It was always tough talking with her. Knowing that this was pretty much the best chance available, I tried my best. I told her to smile more from now on if she sees me in the clubhouse because that'll make it easier for me to talk to her. I said I was attracted to her, but that I wanted to know her more too. Then she smiled and kissed me. I slid my tongue over. She didn't reject it. So I stuck it down her throat. Of course, that whole event happened in my mind.

Back On Good Terms

After a couple days of thinking and talking with friends, I realized how much of a jerk I had always been. I always only thought of myself and forgot to care about the feelings of others. For this online date, I asked her out on the third day of MSN, then I made up a lame excuse to cancel the date, then I said we should be friends, then I accused that she was a scam and asked her out again to see if she's just an ugly fat guy. If she's really a woman, which I'm pretty sure of, then she should be pretty hurt.

Realizing this, I apologized to her the following day. I admitted on being a jerk, just like now. Even though she said she wasn't mad, I knew she was and probably cried over it (or not). It's a good thing, apologizing, because it made her feel better, and somehow I feel better too. Even though this may not work out, at least I got a new friend.

Yesterday, I watched the DVD of Bruce Willis's Surrogates. That movie was pretty disturbing, talking about the future world where almost everyone operates a mechanical version of themselves (surrogates) to interact with other surrogates. And because of this technology, everyone made their appearances perfect (ex. Tom Cruise faces, DD-cup breasts, 10-inch penises). Yes, they could "feel" through their machines too. Sick, isn't it?

It made me think about how much people tend to their appearances, when it's really the mind and spirit that counts. Actually, even now, we're imitating surrogates by wearing clothes and styling our hair. For women, they put on makeup too, some noticeably wearing masks. What's up with this world? We should throw all our clothes away, which may or may not lead to more "street-style" sex lives.

Ikkitousen: Great Guardians

I just finished watching an anime series called Ikki Tousen: Great Guardians. It featured a cast of busty babes. Anyways, the most important message I got from one of the characters (Ryofu Housen) was this: "As long as I'm alive, even if there's only a 1 percent chance, I will fight to change my destiny with my own hands!" Hearing this, made me realize something. It made me realize I've been seeing the world in the wrong way all this time.

I've always thought that women want to trick or make fun of men for hitting on them, when actually the opposite is true. They just want to be loved much like men do. They "trick" us to see if we'll fight for them, even if there's only a 1 percent chance. I always thought that men and women are on different sides of the battlefield during dating when actually we're on the same side, just playing different roles. Maybe men are the soldiers and women are the medics, whatever, you know what I mean.

We got so influenced by society that we forgot what our purpose on earth is: To connect our mind and soul, through our bodies and the environment, with other people. Society has put all this money, power, and fame to mess with our thoughts. But I will try my best not to be confused by it from now on. I've been too heavily influenced by the average number of cars per household, the average age of marriage, and even the average penis size.

Now, I'm going to live from my heart. My purpose with women is not to sleep with dozens of women, nor to date a lot of attractive women to build up my resume, nor to have all the dating skills of a master pickup artist. It is simply to really get to know women and to find one who can share her mind with mine. Good sex is just a bonus. So I'll try my best now. If I get hurt in the process, I'll just tell myself that it's part of building up my future self. By the way, I seriously hope the Toastmasters have some busty babes.

P.S. The 2 female strangers a week still applies. I figured that almost everyone is figuring out what life is for. And I'm sure that those who've figured it out already know that life is for happiness. If I can make a stranger feel happy, even if just for a couple of minutes, then it's worth talking with them.