Last Wednesday, I did something very special for myself, a 2nd Toastmasters presentation. I basically took Colonel Quaritch's speech from Avatar and changed it around a bit. Here's the speech:
"All right, soldiers! You all know why you're here. We're at war with the aliens from Mars. I am General T2O of the United States Marine Corps. We've been sent here under the direct command of President Obama, ordered to rescue the Hong Kong people from the aliens. Here's the situation. 4 hours ago at 1530, the planet Mars collided with the Earth's surface. The 2 planets are now interconnected at Tai Mo Shan, 9 miles north of where I'm standing. The aliens have jumped off their planet and parachuted into Sha Tin and Tsuen Wan, killing everything in their path. So far, 9000 people have been killed. 1 hour later, the Marine Corps sent out 2800 soldiers to fight these aliens. Their weapons included 12 SA-2 Samson VTOL rotorcraft, 24 M777 towed howitzers, 48 M1A2 Abrams main battle tanks, and 192 fifty-cal machine guns. However, all the weapons are gone and all the 2800 soldiers are dead. That's how powerful our enemy is. This is a picture of the aliens we're dealing with. (Hold up picture of StarCraft lurker.) Outside this building, these aliens are waiting to kill you and to eat your brains for ice-cream dessert. As the head of security, it is my job to keep you alive. If you wish to live, you must obey my rules. W.A.M. rules. Rule number 1; you must have a leader. (Walk up to an audience member.) Stand up soldier! Congratulations, you've just been promoted to Captain. Now it is your job to lead the soldiers out into the battlefield. Sit down. (Audience member sits down.) Rule number 2; everyone needs to fight. Even women, children, or anyone who can hold up a gun is going to fight. Everyone in this room, everyone of you, are fighting for survival. That's a fact. We will fight terror with terror. We will show the aliens that they cannot and shall not take whatever they want. And the way we'll show them is by killing them. Now everyone repeat after me. We will kill the aliens! We will show them who is the boss! Oorah!"
I followed Quaritch's commanding voice and pulled through with the 5:30 minute presentation. Even I couldn't believe I did it. At first I was quite nervous, but after speaking loudly for the first couple of seconds, I was okay. I should be able to enjoy going to Toastmasters from now on, especially when I'll be doing a military speech.
